I have been involved – if not quite immersed – in vegetarian ‘cuisine’ since I was at university in 1997.
My then girlfriend (later wife and mother of my vegetarian offspring) was already an ethical vegetarian when we met. Being away at university was when I first found myself needing to engage in eating meat free, as we frequently ate meals together on weekends when we visited each other.
It should be noted that meat-free eating in the mid-Nineties – particularly as a student – relied heavily on Beanfeast and cubed Tofu. I’ll admit, the Beanfeast chilli wasn’t bad. But, for me, Tofu tasted like some lab genius had managed to physically manifest ‘disappointment’ into a rubbery brick. No amount of overnight marinating in soy sauce could make that grey residue impart any recognisable flavour. It was a taste vacuum…
Then Quorn happened.
According to Wikipedia, Quorn was first launched in the UK in 1993, some years before I started university. But I only really remember it being a ‘thing’ once my sporting hero, Will Carling, began fronting their TV commercials. Quorn has been a significant factor in my life ever since.
Significant, but not always welcome. For me, Quorn products – the ones that I’ve tried and tested – all exist on a scale…
One end of the scale – the ‘good’ end – includes the likes of their Southern fried burgers and bites, crunchy fillets, and breaded escalopes. Basically, all the products that replicate very processed chicken-based food. In this regard, they do pretty well. I’ll admit, their hot and spicy vegan burgers are frequently on my shopping list. As are their Ultimate burgers, when my wallet can manage it.
From here, we jump right to the middle of the scale; the products that are passable, the ones that’ll do the job, but only because there are rarely any alternatives. This area features their mince, meatballs and chicken-style pieces.
And from here on in, it’s a sliding scale from passable to downright inedible. This sordid journey takes in the ‘brilliant’ burgers, sausages and fillets. We finish at the arse end of the scale with the Quorn roast and the truly despicable chicken and ham slices. Sweet jesus, the very thought of these sends shivers up my bum.
I realise I’m probably being unduly critical here, and I’m approaching this as a newly converted meat eater rather than a dyed-in-the-wool vegetarian. But even my children are repulsed by those goddam slices.
I’ll never be rid of Quorn – not just because they remain a staple of my children’s diet but also because, as I said, I do enjoy their spicy and Ultimate burgers. Furthermore, I’m a big fan of their partnership with Greggs to bring vegan options into the fast food mainstream. But their product range is so mixed in quality, and when they get it bad, it’s really bad.
I’m pleased that companies like THIS, Oumph! and The Meatless Farm Co. are making genuine headway in the market, and that established brands like Birds Eye and Heck – along with the supermarkets – have introduced their own vegan ranges. It means that the choices are much broader and I’m not reliant on Quorn as the only option for meat substitution.
After all, this isn’t the Nineties.
