I have a kind of ritual on election nights. Buy a carrier bag full of snacks on the way home from work, then settle in for a long night of gradually getting more dejected, as the democratic process belches out yet another disheartening outcome. All the while, demolishing my horde of sweet and savoury treats as I wait for the next constituency to declare its result. Eating my emotions indeed.
Over the last year, I’ve come to terms with the fact that the vast majority of crisps are outside of my dietary remit, most of them using milk in their flavourings. A few worthwhile exceptions: original Pringles, lightly salted Doritos, sea salt PopChips… basically all the ready salted ones.
Then, at some point, I found out that bacon rashers are vegan. Vegan! I’m not sure how that works; I can’t quite get my head round it. I realise that meat flavoured crisps don’t use actual meat. But the whole idea just seems so… twisted. Like openly admitting just how far from real taste and experience these snacks are.
“Our bacon rashers are so far removed from the food they’re based on that even bloody vegans can eat them!”
It sits uncomfortably with me. You could say that bacon rashers – more so than any other meat-flavoured potato snack – are like modern politicians. Fake flavouring, wholly disconnected from reality, devoid of any of the real substance they build their names on. A tasty pretence. A populist lie.
Nah, to hell with that. They’re just crisps. Anyway, a general election is no time to be talking politics.
Now, I’ve got a long night ahead of me, and a mountain of snacks to get through.
